posted of watching someone if you do not know her temperament. do not judge a person as you evaluate a tree that they could produce a leaves or not. Allah is Just, He is more aware of everything..

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

interpersonal crisis

amboi kemain tajuk!

memandangkan blog aku ni takde orang baca, so here i'll spill and throw my feels out. kalau ada orang terbaca entri aku yang ni, buat-buat je la macam tgak baca and please... do not leave any comment okay? so i'll assume that none of you read this. aher aher aher. gaya dah macam sulit lagi menyulitkan aje..

i hate leisure time. seriously aku bukan jenis yang suka duduk duduk, wasting time, nothing to do. aku pilih hidup yang sibuk.more sibuk, more better. sebab kalau aku tak sibuk, aku akan berfikir. sampai overthink. sampai sakit kepala mungkin sebab neuron kat limbic system dah bersimpul mati. macam sekarang.

ada satu hari abah bukak cerita pasal kahwin. dalam hari yang sama someone asked about my bf, my partnership, my man soon to be and i called it whateverr. my friends pon dah start buat macam macam hipotesis about me.dan dalam hari yang sama juga i finished my novel written by hlovate. macam tak tau, karya hlovate ni la pemangkin untuk aku berfikir sampai berselirat medulla oblongata aku. her novels is totally different from novel cinta yang lain. its more to knowledge, sense of motivation, and its about life.

 i push my brain to think hard.

i'm 20. (even baru 19 tahun 5 bulan, tapi kalau based on year i'm 20). i've reached my growing up phase.tipu la kalau cakap aku tak pernah fikir about relationship. tapi biasanya aku anggap macam angin lalu je.

i have no experiences in this love-relationship thingy. aku tak pernah rasa macam mana rasanya bercinta, putus cinta or whatever. i have a lot of boy-friends. i used a platonic relationship. tapi kalau mamat tu dah masuk zon cinta dengan aku, i hate him automatically. dunno why. pada aku man are good to be friend not to be trust in relationship. rasa macam dah tak boleh nak ubah fahaman tu.

nak cakap sayang, rindu dengan member sendiri pun aku dah rasa ngilu. tragiknye, dekat mak sendiri pon. aku bukan jenis yang suka cakap bab perasaan macam some people pung pang pung pang cerita macam turun naik harga minyak. farahin-cinta-sayang-rindu memang tak boleh letak satu baris. alergik tahap apa entah.

am i not into a relationship coz afraid for losing?.. tak tahu
am i not in love coz i afraid to fall? (bunyi macam same meaning)... tak tahu
am i philophobia?... tak tau
am i gamophobia?.... erk

i dont know. i dont know who should i trust. i dont know who should i love. i dont know. but, still. i'm normal. mungkin Allah jagakan hati aku until i found him (dunno who). well, Allah is the Greatest.

people, please not ask me about this. i cant brain this. its ain't easy as ABC. it is complex lebih complex dari stucture DNA. i hope this will be the first and last i think.

aku sekarang ni dalam usaha menyibukkan diri. kemas rumah, baking. nasib baik aku tak ubah almari baju jadi transformers.

after all, i find a solace and peace. alhamdulillah

footnote: philophobia-takut bercinta/jatuh cinta
              gamophobia-takut kahwin






4 comments:

  1. kawin cepat tau kecik...x sabar nk tngok ko kawin

    ReplyDelete
  2. teah :asal pulak aku yg kne kwen cepat. -.-

    ReplyDelete
  3. dini: ish. kn dah ckp tk pyh ngomen

    ReplyDelete